“Happy Holidays” isn’t happy for everyone. This season of celebration and coming together can be very stressful for people, sometimes even isolating, bringing on the “holiday blues.” For people who don’t have any family or feel estranged from the ones they do have, this can be a very trying time. One of the greatest gifts you can give this holiday season is your support to the people close to you who are feeling blue. Don’t just be a Santa of self-care; spread that peace and holiday cheer to your friends and family who need it most.
Know the Signs
You can’t help the people close to you if you’re not able to tell when they need your help. The holidays bring with it all kinds of stressors (not to mention conditions like Seasonal Affective Disorder). Be aware of the symptoms of depression: anyone experiencing the holiday blues may exhibit a combination of these tell-tale signs.
- Difficulty concentrating
- Fatigue
- Sudden change in appetite or weight
- Sleep deprivation
- Visibly anxious & tense
- Withdrawn
- Irritable
- Lack of energy
- Angry outbursts
- Loss of interest in physical activities & hobbies
- Sudden headaches or back pain
- Talking about suicide and/or exhibiting suicidal behavior
Go Easy on the Alcohol
Alcohol is a depressant. While it’s quite common for many families to celebrate the holidays with a bit of festive drinking, it’s important to be aware of how it can affect the mental health of others. For someone who’s already struggling during the holiday season, drinking could make their state of mind worse. The lowering of inhibitions and impaired judgment caused by alcoholic consumption could lead to some bad (and easily avoidable!) situations.
If you’re hosting, make sure you have plenty of non-alcoholic alternatives for anyone who doesn’t want to partake and/or has substance abuse issues. Give the non-drinkers in your life plenty of options by providing a range of seltzers, juices, “mocktails,” and sodas. Be respectful of other people’s drinking habits: don’t be the person who badgers others into joining in for a drink. Don’t ask them why they aren’t drinking. It’s a behavior that people do in an effort to be sociable and inviting but they often don’t realize that it pressures people into drinking and puts them on the spot for “not having fun.”
Keep an eye out for the symptoms of drunkenness. If you see these signs in action, encourage them to stop drinking, hydrate, and do NOT let them drive if they aren’t staying at your house:
- Dizziness
- Speech problems
- Nausea/vomiting
- Confusion
- Flushed red face
- Red, watery eyes
- Sweating
- Droopy eyelids & lack of eye focus
- Low energy
Be Helpful
The holidays can be a very stressful time because of all the added responsibilities of hosting, throwing parties, cooking, watching kids and pets, and other logistical issues. Some people like to claim ownership over these roles and take charge, which can be a relief. Still, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t help out in any way you can. If someone in your family or friend group is doing all the cooking, offer to help do prep work or wash the dishes afterward. Do tables need to be set? Family members to pick up/drive home? Last minute grocery shopping or quick runs to the gas station to buy more ice? Being willing to step in and take on any of these tasks can be a major stress reliever for the people close to you.
The key here is not to wait to be asked to help. There are some people who will not take that initiative and delegate, even when they’re drowning in work. Let the people around you know that you’re there to help in any way you can. They may not take you up on that offer but knowing that you’re there to support them is important.
It may seem obvious but it’s also important that you don’t make more work for them. Clean up after yourself, do what you said you’ll do, show up on time. The holidays are stressful but YOU can strive to be an oasis of calm in the lives of your loved ones.
Stage Manage the Drama
Another major source of holiday stress is interpersonal conflict. Families and friends brought together to feast and possibly drink and catch up on old times can be a recipe for joy; it can also lead to the airing of grievances, political debates, and other personality clashes. There are things you can do to help “stage manage” your holidays and keep hotheads cool and leave the drama on TV where it belongs.
A few simple techniques to employ to keep things civil and less stressful for everyone:
- Seat people who clash apart from each other.
- Set a rule at the top of dinner that certain topics like religion and politics or any other deeply sensitive issue for your family is off the table.
- Establish a designated space away from the main dining/party room where people can talk about politics and other heavier stuff.
- If an argument breaks out, don't take the bait. De-escalate the situation by establishing common ground with them, maintain a calm demeanor, and remind them that you love and respect them while also making it clear you don't wish to continue talking about the topic.
Reach Out to the Quiet Ones
Pay attention during the holidays to the people you know who are isolating themselves. The shy people at the party, the ones that don’t talk, the friends you know who don’t have any family in the area and are home alone: reach out to all of them. Talk to them, engage them, let them know they can talk to you. Sometimes people want to be alone, and if you get the impression that they aren’t interested in you keeping them company don’t force the issue. But sometimes people who are withdrawn or melancholy want someone to show their concern; sometimes they just need a little bit of encouragement to come out of their shell.
It’s important to emphasize that you should meet people where they’re at. If you’re dealing with introverts, don’t thrust them into highly demanding social situations or volunteer them for some kind of activity where they’ll feel like they’re on the spot.
One other thing to keep in mind: be discreet in your outreach efforts. If you think someone is depressed or left out, don’t announce it to the whole group. You also don’t want to confide that information to someone that the person may have a bad history with or feels unsafe around. Talk to them one-on-one. Ask them who they feel comfortable around and who makes them put their guard up.
Let’s Get Physical
One of the most surefire ways to boost your mood and help alleviate stress is exercise. The holidays are a time for feasting and relaxation, but therein lies a potential peril: all that eating and sleeping could make a stressed, depressed person feel even worse. That’s why staying active during the holidays is so important. A great way to offer support to family members feeling the holiday blues is to invite them out on an activity. A brisk walk or hike can be a great way to some face time with them while also burning calories and elevating your mood. For sporting families, a trip to the park to shoot some hoops or toss a football around can also be an effective way to get those endorphins going.
A Good Night’s Rest
Another tell-tale sign of the holiday blues is a lack of sleep. If the people around you are fatigued and irritable, odds are good that they aren’t getting enough sleep. The temptation to burn the midnight oil during the holidays is strong but it’s crucial that you get your 7-8 hours of sleep as much as you can. Encourage the people close to you to do the same. If you’re planning parties, plan to wind them down before it gets too late. If you’re hosting family from out of town, make sure that they have comfortable beds to sleep in. Even a foldout futon can be made to be very comfortable with the right pillows and blankets.
Money Matters
The holidays can be a very stressful time for financial reasons. Buying presents, the cost of traveling, hosting parties: it can put a heavy strain on people. Be sensitive to those pressures during the holidays. If you’re not hosting, offer to bring food, wine, and/or supplies as needed to help take the financial burden off the hosts. Avoid recommending group activities that are expensive. If you want to go out as a group to a restaurant, make sure that you’re picking a place where the bill won’t be crippling for people in your party. Offer to carpool with others so they don’t have to pay for ride-shares or gas.
Last but certainly not least: if you’re part of a gift exchange like a White Elephant with an agreed-upon spending limit, do NOT be the one who overspends on it. You’ll run the risk of making others feel bad and cheap for playing by the rules. If everyone said, “no more than $20,” stick to that limit.
Article by Austin Brietta