The holidays can be a stressful time. Whether it’s worrying about traveling, having enough money to buy presents, or navigating the tensions of familial conflict, this “most wonderful time of the year” can give you a few reasons to feel not so jolly. If the thought of being with large groups of people makes you anxious or if you’re dreading spending so much time face-to-face with your extended family, here are a few things you can do to keep calm and maintain your holiday spirit.
Make a Plan
A great way to stave off anxiety is to have a plan. If you’re going to a party or dinner where you think you might get overwhelmed, have an exit strategy ready to go. You can even plant seeds for your escape early on by politely letting the hosts know that you may have to leave early at some point due to a prior commitment.
Planning also involves looking at your anxiety triggers. What makes you anxious? What situations can you avoid that put you in a bad headspace? Will there be people at this function that you know will stress you out, and are you able to minimize your exposure to them? Who do you feel comfortable around, and can you rely on them to back you up and keep you company when you’re feeling uncomfortable?
If you’re worried about having nothing to talk about or being put on the spot, think of a few conversation starters to have in your back pocket. Keep things light and fun, steering clear from heavy topics.
Set Boundaries
You can always say no. If you don’t feel like going to a holiday party, you don’t have to go. Overextending yourself can exacerbate any stress you’re already feeling. If you’re unsure whether or not you’re going to something, tell them you’re a maybe. Don’t commit to something that you’re not dead set on going to because canceling at the last minute is in itself a source of stress and anxiety.
If you do go to an event, set clear boundaries while you’re there. If you don’t want to drink, be firm in your refusals if people insist you do. Avoid topics of conversation that make you feel uncomfortable; it’s better to be considered a little rude for changing the subject than to get drawn into a conversation you don’t want to have which could lead to a tense argument.
Just Breath
Calming yourself down can be as simple as breathing. A bit of focused breathwork can lower your blood pressure and heart rate, reducing the levels of stress hormones in your bloodstream. The nice thing about breathing exercises is that they can be discreetly in public, so if you’re feeling overwhelmed at the dinner table it shouldn’t be difficult to pull off some breathwork.
When you feel stressed, try doing the 4-4-4 breathing exercise. It goes as follows: inhale for four seconds. Hold that air in your body for four seconds, and then exhale for another four seconds. Do a few repetitions of this in a row and you should feel a calming effect.
Redirect Attention
If you feel uncomfortable being the center of attention, there’s a relatively easy fix for that: move the spotlight to someone else. The simplest way to do that is ask other people questions. People love to talk about themselves when given the opportunity. Ask them about their holiday plans, their family, or fun stuff they do to unwind (make sure to avoid divisive topics like politics and religion). You can even do the classic “have you met Susan?” trick by introducing people to other people, essentially handing them off to someone else while you gracefully fade out of the conversation.
Another thing that helps take the pressure off is to remember to smile and make eye contact during social interactions. If you’re at a social function and you’re not smiling and actively avoiding eye contact, it’ll look like you’re depressed. You may think that looking unapproachable is a surefire way to avoid socializing but it can have the opposite effect: people could approach you because you like you’re in need of company, eager to lift your spirits. Not smiling draws attention to you.
Article by Austin Brietta
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